Well I'm getting to the end here and I'm feeling better and better. I am finished with everything except for this one paper. It's a 15 page APA research article. I know I could sit down and just do it but I'm dragging. I just need to do it. I'm ready for a break. But my head has already started the break which is a problem. I started a book and I'm already 3/4 done with it and it feels SOOOO good. I am addicted to my iPod. I listen to books on it. I bought the James Patterson women's murder club series but I already had the 4th book so I listened to the first three and the series is so good that I just had to start the book. I went to start it over a month ago so I can't even tell you how good it feels!
The only thing that sucks at the moment is that I don't like being a grown up. This time that school is out I still have to work. Usually when I get to a break in school I just veg for a few days and feel 100x's better and am recharged. I'm not sure how to go about getting recharged this time. I'm going to have to learn but I'm excited about the break either way!
The next hill I have to climb is Weight Watchers. I'm really struggling here. I don't even know how to begin to put this issue into words and furthermore it's a little embarrassing to talk about. I think I'm going to use my time outside school to try to get this more under control. I bought fat pants for my fat pants the other day and I just wanted to curl up inside myself and die. I will have to gain control over this!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
गेत्तिंग तेरे...
OK, so seriously. If anyone knows how to fix the title please leave a comment!
Things are still stressing me out compeletely, more now than last time I posted but I know that it is because it is the end of the semester. This is just how the last of the semester feels.
Other than that I'm in a pretty good place. I'm housesitting so I have a whole house to myself other than the two cutest most needy puppies ever, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I do still have a couple cases that are grating on me but otherwise I have settled into a good place with cases too. I wish I could post more about my cases, vent more about them you know? Legally I would never get my liscence if I did that but it is so hard starting out and not being able to vent to anyone about it. My cases aren't that bad really. It is just that I am new with these things and I can't process this as well as the next person with 20 years of experience. Experience is what I need and experience takes time.
Things are still stressing me out compeletely, more now than last time I posted but I know that it is because it is the end of the semester. This is just how the last of the semester feels.
Other than that I'm in a pretty good place. I'm housesitting so I have a whole house to myself other than the two cutest most needy puppies ever, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I do still have a couple cases that are grating on me but otherwise I have settled into a good place with cases too. I wish I could post more about my cases, vent more about them you know? Legally I would never get my liscence if I did that but it is so hard starting out and not being able to vent to anyone about it. My cases aren't that bad really. It is just that I am new with these things and I can't process this as well as the next person with 20 years of experience. Experience is what I need and experience takes time.
Friday, April 18, 2008
टेक करे ऑफ़ यौर्सेल्फ़ मन!!!
ok well I posted once or twice without the foreign text, not sure how but I did it.
I am so totally burnt out I can't even begin to tell you. My advisor told me to start 'carving out time for myself' because I'm just so drained at the end of the week. So I have cut out Starbucks since it doesn't really fit into Weight Watchers. Well recently the weather has been so beautiful and I've been spending a lot of time between appointments on a bench or sitting in my car with all the windows down craving an iced Starbucks. So the other day I decided my way of taking care of myself was to get an iced Starbucks. I ran into my advisor inside and bragged that I was following his advise only to come outside to a parking ticket. So he comes out, sees me in a sobbing mess holding a parking ticket and creams across the parking lot "GOD DAMNIT CAN I NOT EVEN GET A FUCKING CUP OF COFFEE???!!!!??" Now I'm not really into swearing and I've never heard him swear either but man at that point I was crying cause I was laughing so hard!
It's just that I'm doing so much and I think I spend more time worrying, doing, talking, researching for my clients. No one else in the office is there for a full work day on a Sat so WHY AM I??? I'm not just doing 40 hrs a week. I'm doing school and work and working in any other paid hours I possibly can. Right now I'm dog sitting which is fine and I enjoy but it is so out of the way and she is supposed to be let out every three hours which doesn't really fit in my schedule but I REALLY need them money so I can't turn it down but it is just one more thing. I know things are going to get better and maybe next week I'll realize that 90% of this was PMS but right now it feels like I'll never make it to the end of the semester. I know I will, I always feel like this at the end but somehow even though it still upsets me.
I am so totally burnt out I can't even begin to tell you. My advisor told me to start 'carving out time for myself' because I'm just so drained at the end of the week. So I have cut out Starbucks since it doesn't really fit into Weight Watchers. Well recently the weather has been so beautiful and I've been spending a lot of time between appointments on a bench or sitting in my car with all the windows down craving an iced Starbucks. So the other day I decided my way of taking care of myself was to get an iced Starbucks. I ran into my advisor inside and bragged that I was following his advise only to come outside to a parking ticket. So he comes out, sees me in a sobbing mess holding a parking ticket and creams across the parking lot "GOD DAMNIT CAN I NOT EVEN GET A FUCKING CUP OF COFFEE???!!!!??" Now I'm not really into swearing and I've never heard him swear either but man at that point I was crying cause I was laughing so hard!
It's just that I'm doing so much and I think I spend more time worrying, doing, talking, researching for my clients. No one else in the office is there for a full work day on a Sat so WHY AM I??? I'm not just doing 40 hrs a week. I'm doing school and work and working in any other paid hours I possibly can. Right now I'm dog sitting which is fine and I enjoy but it is so out of the way and she is supposed to be let out every three hours which doesn't really fit in my schedule but I REALLY need them money so I can't turn it down but it is just one more thing. I know things are going to get better and maybe next week I'll realize that 90% of this was PMS but right now it feels like I'll never make it to the end of the semester. I know I will, I always feel like this at the end but somehow even though it still upsets me.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Stressed
OK so I really am having a hard time digesting things that I'm dealing with in my internship. I guess part of it is that in the scheme of things the issues I'm dealing with are absolutely no big deal but they are still just tearing me apart inside. I come home completely drained everyday and then I spend the whole weekend trying to recover from the week and build myself up to be drained the next. I am looking for ways to first, not be so drained to begin with and secondly ways to recover from the week other than emotional eating and drinking;) I love going to get my nails done, wandering through TJMaxx or Target, sitting in a coffee shop drinking expensive lattes and things like that. The problem is that I'm doing my internship for free and all those things require money. I can do them on occasion but not as often as I need to recuperate. I joined the gym which has helped a little but I'm so tired and drained by the end of the day that getting there is borderline impossible. I tried going in the morning but I need every minute of sleep I can get to feel rested to begin with. I guess it is really something that I just need to sit down and seriously think about.
Monday, March 24, 2008
बेक ओं थे वेईघ्त वात्चेर्स वगों
Well I'm not really sure what to do about the title language. As I'm typing it shows in English but when I post it becomes that...any ideas?
After loosing 15 lbs on Weight watchers I totally fell off the wagon. I was really motivated by being thin when I saw my family at Christmas so I was pushing. Well Bailey was attacked by a pit bull so I essentially stayed home and sat on the couch cuddling her and eating and furthermore I couldn't leave her and go home for Christmas so I wasn't as motivated. At this point I have gained back all the weight plus a few pounds. I'm not even fitting into my fat clothes anymore so I had to go to Marshals and buy bigger fat clothes. So tomorrow I'm officially back on the wagon. I'm going to go to my favorite meeting and I will re-register my weight so I don't have to wait 20 lbs before the computer recognizes I'm back in loosing range. Part of me feels like it's pointless because I always fall off the wagon. I just don't know what to do with myself about it. I have a closet full of clothes that I've bought on clearance for when I loose the weight but I never get there. I think part of my problem is that I do a really good job for a while and I feel really good about myself and then I go try on those clothes and they still don't fit. I know that's no reason to stop...its that much more of a reason to keep going. It's just so discouraging that I "need" to emotionally eat and then I don't stop. I guess it isn't pointless to fall off the wagon because every time I do I learn how to make the next time better. I know the change in weather is going to be really nice, I'm going to want to be outside a lot more.
So moving right along...I smell a dirty diaper...I need to investigate.
After loosing 15 lbs on Weight watchers I totally fell off the wagon. I was really motivated by being thin when I saw my family at Christmas so I was pushing. Well Bailey was attacked by a pit bull so I essentially stayed home and sat on the couch cuddling her and eating and furthermore I couldn't leave her and go home for Christmas so I wasn't as motivated. At this point I have gained back all the weight plus a few pounds. I'm not even fitting into my fat clothes anymore so I had to go to Marshals and buy bigger fat clothes. So tomorrow I'm officially back on the wagon. I'm going to go to my favorite meeting and I will re-register my weight so I don't have to wait 20 lbs before the computer recognizes I'm back in loosing range. Part of me feels like it's pointless because I always fall off the wagon. I just don't know what to do with myself about it. I have a closet full of clothes that I've bought on clearance for when I loose the weight but I never get there. I think part of my problem is that I do a really good job for a while and I feel really good about myself and then I go try on those clothes and they still don't fit. I know that's no reason to stop...its that much more of a reason to keep going. It's just so discouraging that I "need" to emotionally eat and then I don't stop. I guess it isn't pointless to fall off the wagon because every time I do I learn how to make the next time better. I know the change in weather is going to be really nice, I'm going to want to be outside a lot more.
So moving right along...I smell a dirty diaper...I need to investigate.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
गेत्तिंग स्तार्तेद
Everytime I write a title for this post it comes out in some sort of Eastern language...It's just not worth the hassel.
I think it's going to take me a couple posts to really give a complete update since I've been gone so long...I guess I'll catch up along the way. In a nutshell, my life is rather insane at the moment. I'm working 20 hours a week with the girls, 20 hours of internship and 15 hours of classes. I was daydreaming in class today thinking OMG, if you think about all the paperwork I'm doing for my internship (+/-10 hours depending on the week) and all the homework I'm doing (+/- 15-20 hrs/wk) I'm working give or take a 90 hour week. No wonder I can't get rid of the exhaustion!! Thank God Brian more or less makes me put it all away one weekend night a week for martini's, hot baths and movies. Sometimes I hate him for it but it's really the only time I sit down for a deep breath. As a whole things are pretty good though. If it weren't for being so worn out I would be relatively happy. Unfortunately I am interning at a place where there is a propensity for DSS/CPS involvement, it breaks my heart everytime I have to call them and that's pretty regularly. Sooner or later I'll get used to it and I won't come home with a pile of kleenex's on the floor of my car but at the same time I don't ever want to become cold hearted to it. Some of my supervisors are pretty cut off. I know to a degree you have to be and most of the ones I'm talking about work on the Sexual Trauma team so there has to be some sort of seperation and humor or how would you ever sleep at night? I guess there is a happy medium somewhere. Maybe the peaople I'm talking about are in that happy medium but looking at them as such a fresh therapist is hard. But this is the profession I have chosen and for the most part I enjoy it. I just need to get away from the kids. Watching the kids deal with this just kills me day in and day out. I need a rich couple who's biggest argument in life is how to spend that 20 million...In my dreams right;)
I think it's going to take me a couple posts to really give a complete update since I've been gone so long...I guess I'll catch up along the way. In a nutshell, my life is rather insane at the moment. I'm working 20 hours a week with the girls, 20 hours of internship and 15 hours of classes. I was daydreaming in class today thinking OMG, if you think about all the paperwork I'm doing for my internship (+/-10 hours depending on the week) and all the homework I'm doing (+/- 15-20 hrs/wk) I'm working give or take a 90 hour week. No wonder I can't get rid of the exhaustion!! Thank God Brian more or less makes me put it all away one weekend night a week for martini's, hot baths and movies. Sometimes I hate him for it but it's really the only time I sit down for a deep breath. As a whole things are pretty good though. If it weren't for being so worn out I would be relatively happy. Unfortunately I am interning at a place where there is a propensity for DSS/CPS involvement, it breaks my heart everytime I have to call them and that's pretty regularly. Sooner or later I'll get used to it and I won't come home with a pile of kleenex's on the floor of my car but at the same time I don't ever want to become cold hearted to it. Some of my supervisors are pretty cut off. I know to a degree you have to be and most of the ones I'm talking about work on the Sexual Trauma team so there has to be some sort of seperation and humor or how would you ever sleep at night? I guess there is a happy medium somewhere. Maybe the peaople I'm talking about are in that happy medium but looking at them as such a fresh therapist is hard. But this is the profession I have chosen and for the most part I enjoy it. I just need to get away from the kids. Watching the kids deal with this just kills me day in and day out. I need a rich couple who's biggest argument in life is how to spend that 20 million...In my dreams right;)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Starting New...
Okay so I'm so responsible about posting that I think I'm going to change my purpose. I think that part of my problem with blogging is that first, the blog isn't really relevant to my life anymore because I'm healthy and secondly, I have this expectation of myself that I'm going to write everyday which is pretty unrealistic for my life. So first I'm going to change the purpose of my blog and secondly change my expectations of myself. So that's what I'm working on for now and I will update soon.
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