Coming back to FL after a great visit home was really hard. I thought for sure after such a long visit I'd be ready to get back into my routine but I was miserable leaving and I've been bucking routine ever since I walked back through that door.
It doesn't help that I'm not enjoying my classes and I have I don't really like my practicum. I'm told that this is practicum and I just feel this way because I have to get used to it. I don't respond to that as well as one might like.
I have really intense clients and I love the challenges they present week in and week out but I'm not handling them the way I'm expected to by the program. I want to be ok with that. I want to say that this is my first semester with all these new things and of course I'm going to screw it up but that's what learning is for.....right? It's hard to remember that when I feel like such a failure after hearing my teams response to my therapy.
Unfortunately post-modern thought doesn't come as easily as modern thought does for me. I want it to and one day it will. I have to remind myself that Michael White, David Epston and Salvador Minuchin all sat in classes at one point and felt like a failure. It doesn't happen over night to anyone. We can't all be child prodigies or the idea woudn't exist to begin with. I guess I just wish my team were slightly more understanding of this theory.
I haven't gone out with friends since after my sister's wedding in October. My friends are taking me out to a much needed birthday dinner tomorrow night which I'm very excited about.
Something else I can hardly contain myself over??? My mom and sis are coming down for my sis' spring break! I know this is so cheesy but we've never been on vacation just the three of us and we will be together for a whole week with a beach made for post cards, just the three of us. Soon enough there will be babies and husbands and 'real' jobs in the way. I'm so excited for this and I can't wait to soak up every minute of it. I know it's dramatic but I realize more and more that the older we get the more things are in the way of just being together. I'm not being tragic, I don't expect any of us to die, more that this is our opportunity and when will we have it again? Maybe this will become the yearly tradition and every year I will be so excited to share the beach with my mom and sis but it's just as likely that this is a one time thing. I just can't even begin to tell you how thrilled it makes me to think about it.
Friday, February 26, 2010
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