Well, I guess I wasn't being especially reactionary earlier because I just got home from the ER for tacacardia and an INR that was WAAAAAAAY too low. I can't even begin to express the frustration I feel right now. They didn't do anything for me. They gave me a shot of Lovenox (yes that's the medication that caused internal bleeding last time I took it.) Then they told me to follow up with my dr in the morning. Coincidentally my dr is currently out sick. WHAT'S A GIRL GOT TO DO?!?!?!?!?! All I want is answers. Is that really too much to ask? I don't know what to do. At this point I don't care what they say as long as I can live with answers instead of uncertainty. If I knew I could walk around the block, feel a few heart twinges and OMG, SURVIVE then maybe things would be a little better but I guess the grass is always greener. Then I would start complaining that I was sick to begin with. This sucks and that is really all I have to say.
BTW, yes I know that broncitis is not contagious but she had to have some sort of grody something that started the infection and I don't want cooties.
On a positive note, I got to spend the morning with my mom at work. I love that my mom is in town although I hate the reason my mom is in town and I have a wonderful job. I take care of twin girls. They are eight months old now but when I started they were only six weeks old. It was so much fun to watch them with my mom this morning. They are such good babies. Going to work just brightens my day and although I come home from work totally worn out, smelling like I swam in spit up, it is totally worth it to see the smile on their faces when I walk in the room. I've had to cut down my hours and I hate it because I miss them so much it aches that I don't see them as often as I'd like. It is so much fun to watch how they grow and how each day there is something new to discover with them. I wouldn't trade my job for the world which I guess is a lot of the reason that I haven't just packed up and moved back south to live with my parents. I have girls there too that I took care of but I'm more attatched to these girls to be compltely honest.
Do you think that if I kept a Dr hostage someone would sit down and try to give me some answers? Think I should try it? Anybody have a gun;)
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
And the Stress Continues...
As I've mentioned I'm wearing a heart monitor. Today wasn't such a great day for the heart monitor. The way it works is that the monitor records "episodes" and I call and play them back for a doctor. Well I just called and played it all back and and was told I'm tacacardic which means the my heart is beating too fast and is irregular. So now I have to stay in bed until I feel better and then call it in and they'll let me know if I can get out of bed.
Part of me is thankful because at least we have now found a reason that I still feel crappy and am not recovering as would be expected but the other part of me is paniked...what does this mean? Is something wrong? Is it fixable? Does this mean more laying around cause I think if I have to lay in bed any longer I'm going to go bald from pulling my own hair out. But still another side of me says "Meagan you are SO over-reacting, get over it and move on" then the next part of it says "yeah and you thought you were WAAAY over-reacting when you went to the ER for a freaking PULMONARY EMBOLISM too, over reaction is ok at the moment!"
My next topic of complaining...I live in an efficiency apartment. Basically the bonus room with it's own entrance but my kitchen is shared with the family and my bathroom is off the family's living room. The daughter of the family has broncitis...HUH, I SOO need broncitis at the moment right? I don't have enough medical issues in my repitiore do I? BRING IT ON BRONCITIS!!! So I kinda feel like I can't go upstairs and I need to limit my trips to the bathroom in hopes of avoiding the germs, talk about cabin fever.
Well there are fifteen other things that I could complain about at the moment, its probably a good idea if I quit typing and just get over it.
Part of me is thankful because at least we have now found a reason that I still feel crappy and am not recovering as would be expected but the other part of me is paniked...what does this mean? Is something wrong? Is it fixable? Does this mean more laying around cause I think if I have to lay in bed any longer I'm going to go bald from pulling my own hair out. But still another side of me says "Meagan you are SO over-reacting, get over it and move on" then the next part of it says "yeah and you thought you were WAAAY over-reacting when you went to the ER for a freaking PULMONARY EMBOLISM too, over reaction is ok at the moment!"
My next topic of complaining...I live in an efficiency apartment. Basically the bonus room with it's own entrance but my kitchen is shared with the family and my bathroom is off the family's living room. The daughter of the family has broncitis...HUH, I SOO need broncitis at the moment right? I don't have enough medical issues in my repitiore do I? BRING IT ON BRONCITIS!!! So I kinda feel like I can't go upstairs and I need to limit my trips to the bathroom in hopes of avoiding the germs, talk about cabin fever.
Well there are fifteen other things that I could complain about at the moment, its probably a good idea if I quit typing and just get over it.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
My Situation
I am pretty stubborn and independent. Not functioning and having everyone do everything for me is beyond frustrating. I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I've had my mom in twice from Charlotte and Brian's mom came in for a week to help but other than that I'm on my own. Brian has been AMAZING and done SOO much for me but that causes a lot of stress on a relationship when one person is doing everything for the other and the giver isn't getting anything back. The tension it causes is hard on me and I know him too but then I keep doing things I know I shouldn't do because I'm trying to take some stress off him but then I crash and round and round it goes. I know there are millions of people that have it worse than me and I wonder how they handle it when I can't even handle this much. Then there is the fact that I'm wearing a heart monitor and it feels like I'm getting stuff thrown at me one thing after the other...what am I going to do with the next thing? My mom says I should just be thankful I'm alive. The Dr told me if I'd waited even a few hours longer to go to the ER I wouldn't have made it. I am thankful to be alive...so thankful I'd like to do my own laundry thank you very much. Really what I want to do is go outside and run off my frustration, uh, oh yeah, I can't. So instead my frustration manifests in tension headaches, upset stomachs, stress eating and arguments with Brian. But then it all feels like my fault and how the heck did I choose a pulmonary embolism, internal bleeding and essentially bedrest? It makes me increasingly angry how this is affecting my relationship. I know this sounds selfish but I've got enough to deal with. I want to give up on everything really but then at the same time I know that as soon as I give up I'll regret it. It just takes a lot of energy to keep up with at the moment. A lot more than I have actually.
I'm on a medication called Coumadin. I was on Heparin and Coumadin but the Heparin caused internal bleeding. So every three or four days I have to get my INR done. INR is a blood test that checks the level of Coumadin in my blood. I need to make sure that my blood is thin enough that it can't clot in my veins. A normal INR is around 1.0, someone who has had a clot would want their INR higher than that. My goal INR is 2.5 but for the last few weeks it has ranged from 1.6 (WAY too low) and 4.8 (WAAAAY too high). So I have to get my INR checked today and I'm a teeny bit concerned about how much it's jumping around. Too high and I get a clot, too low and I bleed internally, not immediately but if it keeps waffling like this. Generally your Vitamin K intake can control your INR but apparently with me that is not the case. In the meantime I'm going to have to take a medical leave from school because I can't function properly. FRUSTRATING but I'm also very thankful I'm not worse-off. Oh well, I digress.
So these issues Brian and I are having, I'm not sure how to handle them. I think we might have decided to take a break for the next month. He's going to be out of town on business for two weeks and then a friend of his is coming in town and then he's going to see a friend out of town so I wasn't really going to see him a lot anyway. We live about 45 minutes apart, I was going to go out of my way to go see him, taking the commuter train, the metro etc, so I guess it saves some energy for me anyway. I still don't like it just for the record but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.
Well I'm off to wait for the Dr to call with my INR, let's see what I have to play with this time.
I'm on a medication called Coumadin. I was on Heparin and Coumadin but the Heparin caused internal bleeding. So every three or four days I have to get my INR done. INR is a blood test that checks the level of Coumadin in my blood. I need to make sure that my blood is thin enough that it can't clot in my veins. A normal INR is around 1.0, someone who has had a clot would want their INR higher than that. My goal INR is 2.5 but for the last few weeks it has ranged from 1.6 (WAY too low) and 4.8 (WAAAAY too high). So I have to get my INR checked today and I'm a teeny bit concerned about how much it's jumping around. Too high and I get a clot, too low and I bleed internally, not immediately but if it keeps waffling like this. Generally your Vitamin K intake can control your INR but apparently with me that is not the case. In the meantime I'm going to have to take a medical leave from school because I can't function properly. FRUSTRATING but I'm also very thankful I'm not worse-off. Oh well, I digress.
So these issues Brian and I are having, I'm not sure how to handle them. I think we might have decided to take a break for the next month. He's going to be out of town on business for two weeks and then a friend of his is coming in town and then he's going to see a friend out of town so I wasn't really going to see him a lot anyway. We live about 45 minutes apart, I was going to go out of my way to go see him, taking the commuter train, the metro etc, so I guess it saves some energy for me anyway. I still don't like it just for the record but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.
Well I'm off to wait for the Dr to call with my INR, let's see what I have to play with this time.
Let me introduce myself
Ok, so I decided to start a blog for a few reasons. First, I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism a few weeks ago. I'm only 22 so that's kind of a big deal. I'd love for someone in my situation be able to learn from all the stupid things that have happened since I got out of the hospital. Secondly, I know my 'people' are getting tired of hearing me complain so it gives me a productive outlet. Thirdly, now that I'm so sick and am limited to my bed 95% of the time, I need something to do.
A little about me.... I am 23 (turned 23 two weeks ago, 22 when I got the clot). I'm in seminary getting a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. I just moved North five months ago. I lived with my parents in the south my whole life in the same house. This was my first move, a big deal for me. I moved here more or less for my boyfriend, Brian, who moved here for a job. Originally I was going to go to school in AR but really what's in AR? I'm not sure why I chose that I think it was pretty stupid honestly. I'm glad Brian suggested I move here to be closer to him.
So about six weeks ago I thought I was having an athsma attack. It was the same pressure in my chest but without the wheezing, typical of me really. But nothing that usually makes it feel better did so I decided to go to the ER because at least they would give me some prendisone to stop it. When I got there they told me I wasn't having athsma problems which raised the question, fine, but what is it then. After seven hours of testing in the ER they finally chose their last ditch effort, a CT looking for a pulmonary embolism which shockingly they found. Really when it comes down to it I was amazed with the difference of care I got before and after the diagnosis. Before they very obviously thought I was some crazy coming in for attention. After they seemed to feel bad for it and waited on my hand and foot for my every need until they found me a room and then two of my nurses escorted me there. Then I was put on Heparin and Coumadin to dissolve the clot and was told I'd be on Coumadin the rest of my life. This is because the clot was unprovoked meaning there isn't anything they can point to that may have caused it. In the eyes of doctors this kind of clot is worse than say a clot from a long plane ride of Birth Control because in those situations you know what causes it and can avoid it. When you don't know the cause you can't avoid it. Now in the last six weeks I've heard doctors go from one extreme to the other day after day. The medications have caused intriguing side effects including internal bleeding and I've been in and out of the ER and hospital ever since. I don't know what's going to happen ultimately but this is where I am today. I hope that writing in this can help others in same or similiar situations and give my mom a way to keep up with me without talking to her all the time;)
A little about me.... I am 23 (turned 23 two weeks ago, 22 when I got the clot). I'm in seminary getting a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. I just moved North five months ago. I lived with my parents in the south my whole life in the same house. This was my first move, a big deal for me. I moved here more or less for my boyfriend, Brian, who moved here for a job. Originally I was going to go to school in AR but really what's in AR? I'm not sure why I chose that I think it was pretty stupid honestly. I'm glad Brian suggested I move here to be closer to him.
So about six weeks ago I thought I was having an athsma attack. It was the same pressure in my chest but without the wheezing, typical of me really. But nothing that usually makes it feel better did so I decided to go to the ER because at least they would give me some prendisone to stop it. When I got there they told me I wasn't having athsma problems which raised the question, fine, but what is it then. After seven hours of testing in the ER they finally chose their last ditch effort, a CT looking for a pulmonary embolism which shockingly they found. Really when it comes down to it I was amazed with the difference of care I got before and after the diagnosis. Before they very obviously thought I was some crazy coming in for attention. After they seemed to feel bad for it and waited on my hand and foot for my every need until they found me a room and then two of my nurses escorted me there. Then I was put on Heparin and Coumadin to dissolve the clot and was told I'd be on Coumadin the rest of my life. This is because the clot was unprovoked meaning there isn't anything they can point to that may have caused it. In the eyes of doctors this kind of clot is worse than say a clot from a long plane ride of Birth Control because in those situations you know what causes it and can avoid it. When you don't know the cause you can't avoid it. Now in the last six weeks I've heard doctors go from one extreme to the other day after day. The medications have caused intriguing side effects including internal bleeding and I've been in and out of the ER and hospital ever since. I don't know what's going to happen ultimately but this is where I am today. I hope that writing in this can help others in same or similiar situations and give my mom a way to keep up with me without talking to her all the time;)
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