I can't believe I have made it through my first semester as a Ph.D student. It's so weird. I don't think I ever worried that I wouldn't make it I guess it's just surreal, a couple years from now I'll be a Dr....Holy crap! I have had it in my head for years that this is what I wanted to do and I just kept going. I don't think it ever really set in that I got here. It still blows my mind.
I'm determined that FL is going to be better. I feel like once I get a job and get back on my feet I will be happier here. I know it sounds strange but I'm kinda sad I'm leaving for five weeks. I can't wait to be home and it doesn't make sense to go there for Thanksgiving, come back and go back for Christmas when there isnt' a job or school to come back for. I want to be at home. I guess I'm also trying to get used to things here so it kinda feels weird to leave for so long.
I'm looking forward to coming back to a new start with financial aid all worked out and a job school will seem so much more manageable. I'm looking forward to getting back. Brian is coming for New Years so that will help with the transition back here from being home so long. I'll get there.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wow, One day this will be funny...
A few weeks ago I had a dead battery. I called AAA, a fabulous man who grew up near my hometown came out, jumped me and cleaned the corosion. I felt it was too expensive to have him replace my battery for $120 when I could go to Wal Mart and get the same battery for $70. Hindsight being 20/20 I would have had my AAA saviour give me the battery.
Over the last few days I've noticed a couple little things, nothing mind blowing, just "huh, that's interesting." So yesterday I called my AAA man and said "hey dude, you said you'd come back and replace my clamp, today good?" He came by, did his thing, and in passing I mentioned my observations. He said, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. OK so today when I was in rush hour traffic in the middle lane of a major intersection and my car wouldn't move...should I think about fixing it? Well, as most single girls my age living out of town the first thing I did was call my Daddy because of course he can do something about it from over 1,000 miles away. When he didn't answer I called my AAA man. Ten minutes later, after three good samaritans pushed my car out of the intersection, my prince in AAA uniform arrived.
Of course the car starts right up for him but then shuts right back down for me. AAA man takes me to the shop where the AAA trucks are maintenanced and tells them to take good care of me...oh great I'm all set, I sit back, get the wireless access code and play on FB...three hours, $275 later, I'm driving down the street to the next not so major intersection where I have deja vu. I walk my fat ass back to the AAA place and they go back and get my car. OK, back to FB. Well an hour and a half later Mr Big Wig AAA man goes for a test drive. 45 min later I'm thinking this is a pretty intense test drive when Mr AAA gopher man comes and says my car broke down, it's at another automotive place he's taking me to it. At this point I'm slightly concerned tell him I need to use the restroom and then I'm ready....Ok I'm done, go to wash my hands and knew it was going to happen, whatched it and couldn't move fast enough oh...oh...faster, grap it...missed. Cell phone in the toilet. Me, the brilliant human being that I am goes and gets it because of course you have to give it to the verizon man when you ask for your replacement because you did have forsight to insure the phone.
I get to the next place who is looking at my car. He says he's keeping the car for a few days....fifteen thoughts go through my head while I, of course, immediately commence hiccupping sobs I try desperatly to hide...in vain of course.
1. I have no phone
2. even if I had a phone who would I call to get me
3. I have no phone
4. I just moved here and have no numbers memorized for people who could even possibly come get me
5. I'm driving to CLT in a couple days
6. I have no phone
7. Where's my Daddy?
8. I just spent $275, how much you going to charge me?
9. How many days till I get to move out of this God-forsaken-hell -hole?
10. how am I getting to Verizon to get my new phone, old one soaking toilet water through my jeans pocket, and then home?
11. When am I going to finally feel like I'm not drowning with no hope of a life jacket?
12. Can my Daddy move to FLA and do this stuff for me?
13. I want to call my Mommy.
14. I have no phone
15. I don't even know where to start
After much deliberation I hack numbers off FB and start tracking down numbers through the assistant's phone who just btw was satan's mistress. My wonderful and amazing new best friend forever drived (ok so I meant drove here, cut me some slack, it's been a bad day) the 30 miles to come get me. 20 miles into this trip I was told problem solved give him 10 minutes. Call friend back, visit Hooters for the first time for a drink...go back just a little happier.
So I get back and he tells me he's charging me $140 which, he says is a great deal and oh, btw, it's all Wal Mart's fault. Apparently when I was saving myself $50 by going to Wal Mart, the lovlies at Wal Mart forgot to connect the battery and computer meaning the computer was running on memory and ran out. They of course took 8 hours to find this because you would never expect such a significant wire to be disconnected. Oh and you have to take the battery and engine apart to see it. Moral of the story: Don't go to Wal Mart, pay the wonderful AAA guy the extra $50, I promise, the following $400 is certainly not worth it.
PS Did you know that when you drop a phone in the toilet they send it in the mail instead of giving it to you? In this day and age of no land lines this can leave a person without communication for an untold period of time....just a thought.
Over the last few days I've noticed a couple little things, nothing mind blowing, just "huh, that's interesting." So yesterday I called my AAA man and said "hey dude, you said you'd come back and replace my clamp, today good?" He came by, did his thing, and in passing I mentioned my observations. He said, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. OK so today when I was in rush hour traffic in the middle lane of a major intersection and my car wouldn't move...should I think about fixing it? Well, as most single girls my age living out of town the first thing I did was call my Daddy because of course he can do something about it from over 1,000 miles away. When he didn't answer I called my AAA man. Ten minutes later, after three good samaritans pushed my car out of the intersection, my prince in AAA uniform arrived.
Of course the car starts right up for him but then shuts right back down for me. AAA man takes me to the shop where the AAA trucks are maintenanced and tells them to take good care of me...oh great I'm all set, I sit back, get the wireless access code and play on FB...three hours, $275 later, I'm driving down the street to the next not so major intersection where I have deja vu. I walk my fat ass back to the AAA place and they go back and get my car. OK, back to FB. Well an hour and a half later Mr Big Wig AAA man goes for a test drive. 45 min later I'm thinking this is a pretty intense test drive when Mr AAA gopher man comes and says my car broke down, it's at another automotive place he's taking me to it. At this point I'm slightly concerned tell him I need to use the restroom and then I'm ready....Ok I'm done, go to wash my hands and knew it was going to happen, whatched it and couldn't move fast enough oh...oh...faster, grap it...missed. Cell phone in the toilet. Me, the brilliant human being that I am goes and gets it because of course you have to give it to the verizon man when you ask for your replacement because you did have forsight to insure the phone.
I get to the next place who is looking at my car. He says he's keeping the car for a few days....fifteen thoughts go through my head while I, of course, immediately commence hiccupping sobs I try desperatly to hide...in vain of course.
1. I have no phone
2. even if I had a phone who would I call to get me
3. I have no phone
4. I just moved here and have no numbers memorized for people who could even possibly come get me
5. I'm driving to CLT in a couple days
6. I have no phone
7. Where's my Daddy?
8. I just spent $275, how much you going to charge me?
9. How many days till I get to move out of this God-forsaken-hell -hole?
10. how am I getting to Verizon to get my new phone, old one soaking toilet water through my jeans pocket, and then home?
11. When am I going to finally feel like I'm not drowning with no hope of a life jacket?
12. Can my Daddy move to FLA and do this stuff for me?
13. I want to call my Mommy.
14. I have no phone
15. I don't even know where to start
After much deliberation I hack numbers off FB and start tracking down numbers through the assistant's phone who just btw was satan's mistress. My wonderful and amazing new best friend forever drived (ok so I meant drove here, cut me some slack, it's been a bad day) the 30 miles to come get me. 20 miles into this trip I was told problem solved give him 10 minutes. Call friend back, visit Hooters for the first time for a drink...go back just a little happier.
So I get back and he tells me he's charging me $140 which, he says is a great deal and oh, btw, it's all Wal Mart's fault. Apparently when I was saving myself $50 by going to Wal Mart, the lovlies at Wal Mart forgot to connect the battery and computer meaning the computer was running on memory and ran out. They of course took 8 hours to find this because you would never expect such a significant wire to be disconnected. Oh and you have to take the battery and engine apart to see it. Moral of the story: Don't go to Wal Mart, pay the wonderful AAA guy the extra $50, I promise, the following $400 is certainly not worth it.
PS Did you know that when you drop a phone in the toilet they send it in the mail instead of giving it to you? In this day and age of no land lines this can leave a person without communication for an untold period of time....just a thought.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
What's Missing?
I feel like I'm on the train in the book The Little Engine That Could, I keep chugging along, clearing everything on my track no matter how daunting it is. It seems that just as soon as I clear something, something else arises. Even the little engine that could gets tired after a while. When I first moved here things were really hard because it's new and I missed Boston home and Charlotte home and Fort Lauderdale is not, nor will it ever be, home. I left behind incredible parents and friends in both cities that are irreplaceable. More and more I realize what an unwavering constant Brian was in my life. He was there for it all and made the transition to Boston livable. There's no transition here, I feel I have no where to fall. Being single was pretty cool at first. I did my own thing, didn't have to consider someone else and got to be selfish for a while. Now that its been a year, its not fun and I realize I like having someone else to think about. This week has been interesting, I haven't really slept. The bed seems so empty which is strange because it's never been full.
You know what's the kicker? I don't know if I even want anyone right now. Yes, I'm lonely. Yes, I desperately want someone else to think of but it's hard to fit much of anything in my life right now. I don't even know how I'm going to work let alone find time to devote to someone else. I know that's so contradictory.
Maybe that's what I just tell myself to take away the sting. If I've heard my mom once I've heard her 2 million times that I'm right where God wants me to be. I likely wouldn't be in school now if I were married, I get that, I do, its not any less lonely. I just think maybe since I've weeded through a lot of interesting characters God is going to reward me with someone amazing, if I can only be patient enough to see it.
I wander around here feeling like something is missing. I go to school...check. I don't have a job but I'm looking...check. Finding FLL friends...check. What isn't there? Could it be that even after a year I feel a hole where a man used to be? Does part of me feel like that's missing? Consciously I don't feel that way. In my head I know this is where I want to be and if a man comes along great (ya, ok, that's a little less desperate than I really am but whatever.) Reality is that if I came across that one man that was passionate about what I'm passionate about and as dedicated to me as I want to be to him, there wouldn't be a problem. Maybe it's selfish but I don't want to be second to a job anymore, I don't want to struggle anymore. I know relationships are tough and maybe this is idealistic but there's someone out there who is going to put me before a job that I don't have to stuggle with everyday who is going to work with me instead of against me when times get tough. He's going to think I'm' cute even when I'm emotional and unreasonable. He will be my missing piece. He's out there and I'm going to find him.
You know what's the kicker? I don't know if I even want anyone right now. Yes, I'm lonely. Yes, I desperately want someone else to think of but it's hard to fit much of anything in my life right now. I don't even know how I'm going to work let alone find time to devote to someone else. I know that's so contradictory.
Maybe that's what I just tell myself to take away the sting. If I've heard my mom once I've heard her 2 million times that I'm right where God wants me to be. I likely wouldn't be in school now if I were married, I get that, I do, its not any less lonely. I just think maybe since I've weeded through a lot of interesting characters God is going to reward me with someone amazing, if I can only be patient enough to see it.
I wander around here feeling like something is missing. I go to school...check. I don't have a job but I'm looking...check. Finding FLL friends...check. What isn't there? Could it be that even after a year I feel a hole where a man used to be? Does part of me feel like that's missing? Consciously I don't feel that way. In my head I know this is where I want to be and if a man comes along great (ya, ok, that's a little less desperate than I really am but whatever.) Reality is that if I came across that one man that was passionate about what I'm passionate about and as dedicated to me as I want to be to him, there wouldn't be a problem. Maybe it's selfish but I don't want to be second to a job anymore, I don't want to struggle anymore. I know relationships are tough and maybe this is idealistic but there's someone out there who is going to put me before a job that I don't have to stuggle with everyday who is going to work with me instead of against me when times get tough. He's going to think I'm' cute even when I'm emotional and unreasonable. He will be my missing piece. He's out there and I'm going to find him.
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