Chest Pain...

I feel like an over-reacting hypocondriac. I'm having pain in my chest, the exact pain that I was having when I went into the hospital and found I had a PE. I can't imagine that I have another one so I don't want to call the dr. The dr on call this weekend is from another practice. He doesn't know me at all so he's going to listen to me for all of two seconds before he sends me to the ER. I can't be in and out of the ER for the rest of my life. I'm sure it's just anxiety. Getting back into school work has really kinda nudged me over the edge. I'm supposed to register and do all these papers. I just don't even know where to start. I feel so behind and I don't know what to do. I'm reading and reading and just not getting the difference between relational therapy and psychodynamic therapy and what personhood is relational to God or any of that stuff. I feel like I've missed too much. Should I be in Grad school to begin with? I just don't know what to do with myself, so I've got a little anxiety going and I'm sure that's what the chest pain is but then there is this nagging voice in the back of my mind that says I should call the on call dr and see what he says and go to the ER if that's what he wants. It would definitley make me feel better to have Heparin go into my IV and watch my heart rate for a few hours and check my INR for the FIFTH time this week. But I can't do that all the time right? I can't do that for forever. I guess I just wish someone was around to notice whether I was ok or not. Although I have had my moments of crisis recently I do miss Brian and I'm not really sure what he's up to. I wish he were here. I don't know what I am going to do. I'm trying to sit here with a movie and a drink and relax but that's not really working for me at the moment. I'll give it a little while longer. I know this sounds ridiculous but my fear is that I relax, ignore the chest pain, and then die in my sleep. Who would ever know I was even dead? That's sad isn't it?