Boot camp ROCKS!

It's been a long week. I guess in the life of this blog I haven't mentioned any easy weeks so it shouldn't stand out but I started boot camp this week. It's been the first time I've exercised since my PE. I'm also tired enough for it to be obvious that it's my firs time exercising. I have to get up at 4:45 to get there in time so I'm exhausted by 7pm and fall asleep often doing school work...often even before my Coumadin which is screwing up my INR. I'M THERAPEUTIC though for the FIRST TIME since my pulmonary embolism. That only took four months!!! Anyway, I have already lost weight from boot camp, or at least I'm carrying it differently enough that people are telling me I'm thinner. I promised myself that I would wait three weeks to weigh myself so I wasn't disappointed so we'll see how that goes. By then I probably will have gained weight from added muscle and I'll be disappointed anyway.

I'm also getting settled in with my new place. I'm so excited, I spend the first night there tomorrow. I'll take pics and post them when I get around to it;) It's not completely unpacked yet. I still have to buy a microwave and get some shelves up. Otherwise it is fantastic and I think I'm going to like living there a hundred times better than at my old place. I also get to see the girls more often this way which is not a bad thing either.

I've also been trying to be proactive in other areas of life. I think that it might be a good idea for me to think about adopting instead of biological kids. I know it is hard for women with previous PE's to have a successful and safe pregnancy so I'd like to be proactive and get some info before I talk to a few drs in my hometown when I get there this summer. I have no plans of doing it tomorrow but I feel like it is something that I need to hear now if it isn't possible. We'll see how it goes. I've totally been into the adoption blogs recently and it is so nice to read them so it really wouldn't be the end of the world, just stepping stone. There are of course a few things I might need some time with but after that I think I would be thrilled.

Well, I think I'm going to figure out that paper I've been carrying around for what feels like a year and a half. The books I have checked out have been out so long that they can't be renewed so it's costing me $3/day to have them...time to get rid of them.

Chest Pain...

I feel like an over-reacting hypocondriac. I'm having pain in my chest, the exact pain that I was having when I went into the hospital and found I had a PE. I can't imagine that I have another one so I don't want to call the dr. The dr on call this weekend is from another practice. He doesn't know me at all so he's going to listen to me for all of two seconds before he sends me to the ER. I can't be in and out of the ER for the rest of my life. I'm sure it's just anxiety. Getting back into school work has really kinda nudged me over the edge. I'm supposed to register and do all these papers. I just don't even know where to start. I feel so behind and I don't know what to do. I'm reading and reading and just not getting the difference between relational therapy and psychodynamic therapy and what personhood is relational to God or any of that stuff. I feel like I've missed too much. Should I be in Grad school to begin with? I just don't know what to do with myself, so I've got a little anxiety going and I'm sure that's what the chest pain is but then there is this nagging voice in the back of my mind that says I should call the on call dr and see what he says and go to the ER if that's what he wants. It would definitley make me feel better to have Heparin go into my IV and watch my heart rate for a few hours and check my INR for the FIFTH time this week. But I can't do that all the time right? I can't do that for forever. I guess I just wish someone was around to notice whether I was ok or not. Although I have had my moments of crisis recently I do miss Brian and I'm not really sure what he's up to. I wish he were here. I don't know what I am going to do. I'm trying to sit here with a movie and a drink and relax but that's not really working for me at the moment. I'll give it a little while longer. I know this sounds ridiculous but my fear is that I relax, ignore the chest pain, and then die in my sleep. Who would ever know I was even dead? That's sad isn't it?