Wow

I've been going going going recently. I get up at 4:30 to go to bootcamp, immediately go to work and then go home to do schoolwork until I fall asleep on top of my books at night. I'm way behind where I wanted to be with my schoolwork right now so I'm tying to keep up. I'd even forgotten that I had a blog which my mom so kindly reminded me I hadn't written on in a while (hi mom). I haven't gone out with any friends or really even spent any time with Brian. I'm so worn down. I'm so excited to go home and take naps under four dogs. Yet I'm worried about how I'm going to fit my schoolwork in the suitcase. I've been telling myself for a while that I wasn't going to take work home but I'm just so behind I feel like I have to. I'm bringing Bailey back and I have to add all her paraphenalia to the suitcase so I have to figure out what has to be done that's going to require the least amount of books. I am trying to walk the line between needing a break at home and needing this semester to be over. I'm still thinking about it. I don't know how its going to turn out. If I can get enough done between now and then I won't so I need to ante up.

THe Brian situation is so far gone to me that I don't know which way is up. I don't even know what to do with myself. There are times I want him back so badly it hurts then there are other times that I can't wait to get off the phone and pray he doesn't call back. I know he feels the same at times and I'm trying to keep my distance but there has been all this stuff recently that means I have to see him. But obviously I won't see him when I'm home. Maybe that will be a much needed break for us both.

OH HEY, notice I've lost weight? I think it's this metabolism drug I'm on. Since I can't be on OCP my PCOS is running rampid so my GP gave me this metabolism pill because I had gained 12 lbs in three weeks while in boot camp and eating less than 1500 cals a day. I think what happened was that my body wanted to loose the weight but couldn't because of all the other issues and this pill helped it along so now my body is spitting out all this fat. Now that I know I can do it I'm pushing even harder. When you think you can't you just do it so you can say you did knowing it's not going to do anything. Now I'm thinking I have a little more control and can get it going so I'm more excited about doing it.