Home seems so much further away...

I guess Brian and I have really always had an on again off again relationship but I think it's off again for good this time. For the past year there has really always been something medically wrong with me and I guess that makes Brian feel like everything is always about me. Well for the last little while I've had some problems which have affected our relationship recently. Yesterday I went to the Dr and was diagnosed with yet another issue. Brian doesn't really want to be a part of it anymore. I guess I realized that there is always going to be something up with me. I'm always going to need to mediate what I need to keep my hormones sane and how much clot risk I'm willing to take on. If by some miracle I'm able to get pregnant there are going to be nine months where things are always going to be kinda about me. Brian wants it to be about him sometimes. I don't think that's unfair to ask but at the same time it's not like I'm creating these situations for attention. If he loves me he loves all of me right? To be honest, I'm not saying I can't do anything to improve but these things are so hard for me to deal with. I'm dealing with thoughts I never thought I'd have to worry about until I was in my 40's. I want Brian to sit down and hug me and tell me everything was ok. I don't want to worry about fighting with him because yet again it isn't about him. Yesterday my dr kinda hinted towards a hysterectomy because there isn't a whole lot of chance I can get pregnant and if I do I'm taking on risk of clotting so if this gets bad enough maybe that's something to think about. All I wanted was for him to come over and watch movies with me and tell me we'd work it out and it wouldn't come to that but all he did was call and talk about how he wanted me to make it about him. I don't know maybe that makes me the selfish one. This is going to be really hard though. Anyone else that I'm close to atr 1,700 miles away. What am I going to do if I get sick again? Brian is home here. I live in someone else's house. I like them and everything but I think of Brian's apartment as more like home, Brian himself is home here. For my program Im' supposed to be picking a state I want licesure in but I was thinking I'm just going to be following Brian around and that's ok as long as I'm with him I'm home...Now I don't really have one. My room at home was taken over by my sister and the room she left is now the guest bedroom, there isn't anywhere for me. My apartment looks like a bomb went off because I have boxes of eveything I left at Brian's. There is no where for me there anymore either. All of a sudden I feel lost. I don't know what to do. There is this cheap grocery store here that is always jam packed full of people so Brian and I have been going together and tag teaming it in order to get out with some sort of sanity left. I went by myself today so i was already a little upset walking in but I was doing pretty well. I wandered around glazed over but productively shopping when some kid whose idiot mom let him push the cart in a jam packed store ran the cart up on my foot. It took the skin off my foot and I was bleeding everywhere. All over my favorite shoes and pants, the Born espadrilles I got on Target clearance and the only pants that fit my huge bloated PMSing butt which of course are khaki. I lost it. I just burst into tears. If only Brian were there. Everything just seems off without him. We had our problems and I couldn't stand him sometimes but I love him so much.